Dear UnderCurrent: Will you teach me how to be a hipster?

Published on Fri, 06/07/2012, 10:16:00

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Dear UnderCurrent,

I so desperately want to learn to be cool, but I just don’t know if I’ll ever make it. Do you have any tips for being a hipster?

Yours,
Nerdy in Nowra

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Dear Nerdy in Nowra (if that is your real name),

Don’t you worry your pretty little head! Olympus has gone to the trouble of putting together an advertisement for its new OM-D camera that has all the tips on how to be a Grade-A Hipster. See below:

1. Wear suspenders, and remove them nonchalantly to affirm how hip you are. “Keeping my pants up? Why would I care for that?”

2. Work out a whole bunch. But don’t work out too much. Just enough to look effortlessly cool when shirtless.

3. Store your myriad suits in a system that can only be described as “Patrick Bateman in Monochrome”.

4. Sit on chairs in dimly-lit corridors, taking photos while showing off your latest socks. Shorts optional.

4. Hold your camera on an angle. No self-respecting semi-professional-photographer/barista/part-time-blogger takes photos held next to a set square. Angle = quirky. Straight = square.

5. Gesture to things with the gentle grace of a ballet dancer.

6. Always wear bowties. Always.

Failing this advice, see said advertisement below. Within no time, you'll be taking cool photographs of soba noodles and fixed gear bikes on your commute to Bondi.

Most sincerely,
UnderCurrent




You forgot:- 7. Be an impossibly thin, slim hipped, fancy man. 8. Use a real camera, preferably a Leica M series range finder, certainly not an Olympus. I find it funny, that Olympus is searching for the heritage that it never had.
Posted by The Amish Hipster. 06/07/2012 01:11:47 PM
Did someone mention my name ? Hmmm Nowra could be Amish country, but I think it is best to avoid his advice. Huey Lewis, on the fifth track from his fourth album, curiously name Fore!, gave some pointers with the song "Hip to be Square". His advice should be avoided as well. My top 5 points for hipness are:- 1. Always drink quality liquor. J&B and Cristal are my personal choices. 2. Platinum Amex card. Has other uses apart from charging up a storm. 3. Quadraphonic Blaupunkts ..... yes I still use cassettes. 4. NEC SuperBeta Video Recorder. Perfect for recording the Patty Winters Show. 5. Duntech Sovereign Speakers. Sure they come from South Australia, but Whitney sounds perfect on them. Try these as initial points before we graduate on how to tie a tie, getting a Chow, having a personal buyer at Barney's, and alternative uses for a Habitrail system. P.S. The guy in the Olympus Ad looks like Luis Carruthers.
Posted by Patrick Bateman. 09/07/2012 07:52:24 PM
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